How to build closer relationships
- Accept imperfection.
Think about it: At times when you’ve felt closely bonded to someone, how much were you worrying about coming across in a certain way?
- Show up.
The next time you’re with someone who’s important to you, Arora says to remind yourself: “I will spend these five minutes completely offering my true presence to this person.” Listen to what they’re saying, and try to refrain from judging or rehearsing what you’ll say next. Look them directly in the eyes. How do they look compared to the last time you met? What about the first time?
bring your whole self to the moments that matter.
- Make some space for solitude.
spending time apart from others can give us the time we need to reflect on what matters most to us and space to recharge our creative and emotional energies.
- Identify whether you’re a giver, taker or matcher.
organizational psychologist Adam Grant specializes in studying workplace behavior and categorizes people into three types: Givers (people who are constantly trying to help someone), Takers (those who are focused on what they might receive from the exchange) and Matchers (those try to keep an even balance of give and take). He says, “The more often people are helping and sharing their knowledge and providing mentoring, the better organizations do on every metric.”
Grant points to serial entrepreneur Adam Rifkin as a successful example of someone who has mastered the art of giving by doing “five-minute favors.” Finding small ways to add value to others’ lives — from making an introduction to saying a thank you and meaning it — can strengthen your bonds.
- Give up on old grudges and outdated beliefs.
Building closer relationships can involve the hard work of recognizing years of long-held beliefs, committing to honesty, and wiping away old grudges. But, as Lesser says, “We can be like a new kind of first responder … the one to take the first courageous step toward the other.”
- Talk through your differences.
- Share something new.
between get-togethers, she’ll mails them books she thinks they’ll enjoy, giving them a new thing to talk about and a new common bond.
Posted on August 8, 2019